My Soul Pages has a mysterious OWL on the cover
Posted: May 5, 2011 Filed under: Animal messengers, Icon, My Soul Pages, Owl, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: icon, janet conner, journaling, owl symbol, Writing Down Your Soul Leave a comment »
- represents clairvoyance
- sits in the East, the place of illumination
- can see in the dark
- sees into the soul
- sits on Athena’s shoulder whispering truth
- symbol of higher wisdom
- aids in seeing the whole–not half–truths
- brings messages in dreams
- helps befriend the darkness within
- eliminates anything unhealthy
- has superb vision, detects subtle movement
- yellow eyes symbolize the light of the sun, shining even in the dark of the night
- flexible neck aids in becoming more flexible
Our owl is a mythical interpretation of a barred owl. The barred owl is a master vocalist. And what are we doing in deep soul writing? Why, activating the Voice! Here’s the barred owl’s stunning song.
If My Soul Pages had a regular owl on the cover, that would be amazing enough. But our owl is so much more. He is an icon–an icon that came in direct response to a deep soul writing request.
Last June, I was in Portland for several events and stayed with my brother Larry. When he went to work, I poked around his living room for something new to read. I found two books on icons. Larry is deeply attracted to the earliest othodox religions and has lots of icons on his walls. I read two books on icons and learned that icons are instruments of prayer. To help you go deep, the eyes of an icon do not match. One eye looks at you and one gazes inward or upward to draw you to the divine.
I stared at the examples in the book. Sure enough, the eyes did not match. Here’s a famous one of Christ from the 6th century. Even in the tiny space of this newsletter, you can’t miss the unusual unmatched eyes.
I closed the icon book, picked up a pen and wrote, “Dear God, I want an icon!” (I thought I was asking for an icon for my office wall Luckily, Spirits thinks bigger than I do.)
Two weeks later, Jan Johnson, the president of Conari Press sent an email with an attachment of My Soul Page’s cover. I said a little prayer that I’d like it, opened it, and saw the owl for the first time. My eyes when right to his eyes. They didn’t match! The cover is an icon! This owl is not only the symbol of wisdom, he is an instrument of Spirit, leading us out of ourselves and into divine dialogue. Could there be a more perfect symbol of writing down your soul? My hands rushed to my heart and I cried.
The first shipment of My Soul Pages arrived last Thursday. The first copy is on my altar, the second went to my son, and then I mailed copies to all the members of Your Soul Wants Five Things. On Sunday, I brought one to yoga to give to Charlotte Starfire to thank her for introducing me to animal messengers so many years ago. As I handed it to her, the women in class stood around exclaiming: “Oh! I saw that the moment I walked in. I felt compelled to look at it, walk up to it, and touch it. What is that!”
If I’d had ten copies with me that night, they’d all be in new homes right now. Our owl radiates so much loving energy from both his wise owl-self and his holy icon-self. He is a double-blessing. I keep him on a stand next to my computer where he gazes at me all day long.
I feel our owl needs a name. I named my osprey guardian, Gabriel and love talking to Gabriel by name. But I don’t feel I should be the one to name our owl. He’s here for all of us.
So, I welcome you to sit with the owl, stare at his eyes, read about him in Animal Speak and Medicine Cards and other resources. Deep soul write about him. (I say “him,” but you may feel feminine energy.) Ask the owl what message it has for you.
And if you hear a name, please send it to me. I’ll put all the names in my little metal bucket and take them to Michael’s shrine next Wednesday, May 11, and ask Archangel Michael to pick our owl’s name. The person who submits Michael’s choice will receive a signed copy of My Soul Pages and the Seven Steps to Get Into Theta video.
What did the Owl tell you?
The Power of Five
Posted: December 1, 2009 Filed under: Marketing, Power of Five, Spirituality, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: focused attraction, janet conner, journaling, Writing Down Your Soul Leave a comment »
The Voice and I were just talking about LESS. LESS is my focused attraction description of the attributes of people who love Writing Down Your Soul.
Here’s how I got LESS. I was writing on Jan 12th after a glorious inaugural booksigning at Wings Bookstore in St Pete, and I told DG that all Writing Down Your Soul needs is more Sharon Jebbens–the manager. What is Sharon? I asked, and immediately my hand wrote:
Loves the book
Embraces the practice
Sees the potential
Spreads the word
I laughed. All this book needs is LESS. (A whole new take on the adage “less is more,” don’t you think?)
Then I realized that Writing Down Your Soul’s readers are also LESS. So are all the guides, like coaches and therapists, who encourage people to start writing down their souls. Bottom line is everyone who falls in love with this book is LESS.
So the Voice and I were talking about getting more LESS. And the Power of Five showed up on the page. As soon as I saw the words, I knew what it meant:
If each person who reads this blog forwards it to five people…
If each person who gets the Writing Down Your Soul newsletter, forwards it to five people… (Don’t get it? Sign up here)
If each person who loves the book, tells five friends… Or gives it to five people as a gift… (You can get a signed copy at my website.)
If each bookseller tells five people who come into their store…
If each coach, therapist, hypnotist, acupunturist or other professional guide tells five clients…
Writing Down Your Soul would reach the hands and hearts of all who seek it–nevermind, make the NYT Bestseller Advice/How to list.
I know you have this power. I recently traced over 200 readers to one woman, Gwynn Kelley who came to a pre-publication Writing Down Your Soul workshop at Unity Church of Palm Harbor. She told a friend, Polly Memhard, in Riverside CT, who told her friend, Martha Howland. Between Polly and Martha over 150 people have been to Writing Down Your Soul workshops and events in CT. PLUS, Gwynn told her daughter who told a life coach in south Florida who called me to help her put together a women’s soul writing class.
I have story after story like this of one person who contacted another and another and suddenly a whole room full of people are reading Writing Down Your Soul.
I may have written the book, but you have the power to get it into people’s hands. Thank you for being the Power of Five. Five, by the way, represents change and anyone who engages in divine dialogue with their wise, loving, inner Voice is going to be guided to wise loving changes in his or her life.
Does the idea of having the power of five make you smile? Please start talking, forwarding, sharing, encouraging…spreading the word. I’m inviting everyone who demonstrates the Power of Five to contact me for a special invitation-only teleclass on Dec 29th to create the Soul Day that will call in a magical new year. Just send me an email at janet@writingdownyoursoul.com and tell me how you are the Power of Five.
Want to learn more about Focused Attraction? I learned it from Rev Lauren McLaughlin of UnityNow.
Cancer, words, and healing
Posted: September 19, 2009 Filed under: cancer, healing words, research on writing, Uncategorized | Tags: cancer, expressive writing, journaling, Writing Down Your Soul Leave a comment »
I received an email this morning from JoAnne Grabinske who took a Writing Down Your Soul teleclass this summer. Her email was brief: “Thought of you when I read this,” followed by a link to a New York Times article about what happened when cancer patients began to write.
When I speak I love to share the extensive research Dr James Pennebaker has done at the University of Texas on the physical and mental benefits of expressive writing. People’s eyes always get a little wide, but the real stunner is that writing increases t-lymphocytes in the body. What are t-lymphocytes? The agents in your body that kill cancer.
I see now why Conari Press has placed Writing Down Your Soul in hospital giftshops.
The power of words for cancer patients
Even bugs are messengers
Posted: July 14, 2009 Filed under: Animal messengers, guidance, janet conner, Practical spirituality, soul writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: Fear, janet conner, journaling, Prayer, Sonia Choquette, soul writing, The Answer is Simple, Writing Down Your Soul 15 Comments »
In Follow Up, the fourth step in Writing Down Your Soul, I talk about several ways to confirm or clarify your guidance. One of my favorites is to pay attention to the messages that come through animals. (p 183-185)
I was raised strict Catholic. Trust me, no nun or priest ever mentioned animals as vehicles for divine guidance. But in 1992, I took a Women’s Spiritual Empowerment class from Charlotte Starfire and my eyes were forever opened to the constant stream of messages in the air and on the land coming to me (and to everyone) in the form of animals.
Charlotte learned about the medicine, or healing messages, of animals from Sun Bear, the great Native American shaman and teacher. Since Charlotte’s class, I’ve kept my Medicine Cards close at hand and turned to them often to understand why a snake crossed my path or an osprey died a few feet from my door. I love my beautiful animal messengers and I welcome their messages.
But last night at 5:00 AM I got a new messenger and I didn’t love it at all. I was awakened by a cockroach crawling across my forehead. Instinctively, I threw it across the room and sat up in horror. I turned on the lights and pursued that thing for thirty minutes. I simply could not fall back asleep with a cockroach somewhere in my bedroom. This is Florida, and I know roaches are everywhere, but thanks to my pest control company, there’s never been a moving one in my bedroom before.
Well, this morning, when I did my deep soul writing, I asked, “What’s with the bug? If I perceive your divine messages in other more delightful animals, don’t I have to recognize the message this creature delivered, too?” It took me a few pages of writing to get the message. The bug had been on my forehead, my third eye, the seat of my knowing. So it was letting me know that I had bugs in my thinking, bugs in my programming.
And of course, it was right. I’ve been wracked with fear lately, fear about finances and fear about my son’s well-being. I desparately need to debug my programming.
“How do I do that?” I wrote. And the answer instantly appeared: “Ask the cards.” But this time, instead of going to the Medicine Cards, I went to a new deck my publicist, Jennifer Hill Robenalt, gave me when I met her in Austin: The Answer is Simple by Sonia Choquette. I love these cards. And they are, as the name implies, incredibly easy to use.
So I took a deep breath and prayerfully asked my question: “How do I debug my programming? How do I get the fear out?”
I drew three cards and laughed at the answer — and yes, it’s simple, clear and simple:
1. Say Thank You.
Suspend your fears long enough to recognize and appreciate those who are helping you. I recognized immediately that I’d been taking the small army of people who love me and my book for granted.
2. Reclaim Your Art
I didn’t even have to read this to know the answer: get back to my creativity, my writing, my love, my joy.
3. Say Yes
“The ego gets fearful…it waits until it’s absolutely sure that it will be safe before it acts. The trouble with this approach to life is the ego never feels safe, so it never acts, it reacts…. Don’t allow the ego to hold you back from the gorgeous opportunities in front of you. Take a chance and trust life as it unfolds.”
The cards perfectly diagnosed the fear “bugs” in my programming and showed me three simple steps to take to get de-bugged. I’m on it right now: I am grateful, I am writing, and I joyfully say YES! to my life’s purpose.
And so, I have to say once more to all my messengers, from the majestic birds to the creepy bugs, thank you for your words and your wisdom, your guidance and your grace. I see you. I hear you. And I learn from you. I am so blessed. And thank you to Sonia Choquette for her fabulous cards.
I am not special or unique. The animals are talking to all of us all the time. Consider this: What animal is delivering a message to you right now? What’s the animal? What’s the message? And what are you going to do with your message?
OK, now let’s all do what Ellen did
Posted: May 20, 2009 Filed under: Creativity, janet conner, Life Purpose, Practical spirituality, Spirituality, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: crystal ball, deep soul writing, Ellen DeGeneres, janet conner, journaling, Life around the Corner, see your future, Writing Down Your Soul 19 Comments »
Ellen with Johnny
Ellen DeGeneres woke us all up. My last post, the one about her commencement address at Tulane, attracted a huge spike of readers. I think I know why. Ellen laid out a way — an incredibly simple way — to SEE your Life Around the Corner, by “seeing” it on the page in conversation with God. Ellen saw herself sitting next to Johnny Carson on the tonight show. Given Ellen’s situation at the time, that could have been labelled totally absurd, possibly delusional. But, guess what? It happened.
Her experience has really stuck with me. So, this morning, as I was saying my prayers, repeating my Covenant and my Writing Blessing, I closed my eyes and had a little chat with Spirit, or as Reverend Lauren McLaughlin, calls it, the Eternal Life Force — ELF. I was just saying something to the Elf, when I saw in my mind a bright white glowing light about the size of a basketball in my hands. Instinctively, I looked down into the white ball.
OH, I realized, this is how Ellen did it. She looked into the future, into her crystal ball, so to speak, or using my new favorite metaphor, into her spy binoculars and saw the Life Around the Corner. Clearly. She saw herself sitting next to Johnny Carson. Not wishing or hoping or “wouldn’t it be great if…” but saw it. Probably felt the chair beneath her. Felt the lights, saw his face close up. She simply was “there” inside her future experience. Did it happen because she experienced it a decade in advance or was it always going to happen and in that moment she simply got a peak? Interesting philosophical, metaphysical question there. And I don’t have the answer. Not an intellectual answer. And guess what? I don’t care how it works; I just want to have the experience.
So, looking into my white ball of light, I said, OK, I get it. I’ll sit down with my pen and have my own conversation with Spirit and SEE my future.
I asked on the page, “What is in my life around the corner?” Out gushed a bunch of things: Being on Ellen and talking about her experience, being on the Oprah Soul Series and on her TV show talking about deep soul writing, being interviewed by Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, shaking Neale Donald Walsch’s hand and hearing him say that deep soul writing is how he had his Conversations with God, and signing a half million dollar advance. All delightful. All powerful. All big.
But when I looked at the list, I said, “OK, I love them all and I DO see them all happening, but what ONE event, what ONE experience would be proof that all of this has transpired and more? What one experience sums up my Life Around the Corner?”
I knew immediately. I drew a bold dark blue ink square around the words: Walk into the New York city library and touch a shelf full of my books.
New York Library
Even as I type that sentence, I feel tears. Tears are proof that this is THE apex experience I will have. I don’t know when. (When is not my job.) I don’t know how. (How is not my job.) Just know that it will happen. I am standing there right now, in my mind, in my white ball of light, smiling and reaching out and running my fingers slowly along the ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen books that I have written. I turn to my son and with tears in my eyes, say, “Here I am, permanently, in the New York city library. Guarded by the lions.”
Your turn.
Close your eyes, hold the white ball of divine light or the spy binoculars or become a hawk who flies ahead to see your Life Around the Corner. The image doesn’t matter. Just choose one that feels right to you and ask, “How will I know that I have achieved my Life Around the Corner?” Pick up a pen and start writing. See what images come through. No matter how wacky or amazing or unlikely or impossible — write them down.
Why? Because Ellen sat next to Johnny Carson. Because I will run my hands over my books in the main library in New York. (Oh, and be on Oprah and Ellen, and GMA!)
How about you? What are you doing in your Life Around the Corner?
How Ellen DeGeneres discovered Ellen DeGeneres
Posted: May 19, 2009 Filed under: janet conner, Life Purpose, Practical spirituality, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: deep soul writing, Ellen DeGeneres, janet conner, journaling, Life Purpose, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul 1 Comment »
Ellen after she became Ellen
So there I was yesterday, teaching small groups of school-weary teenagers what the theta brain wave state is and how to get into it through writing. After teaching the same thing for the third time, I was weary and wondered, “What am I doing here?” I could have gotten some sleep — and lord knows after teaching all weekend, I could use some sleep. I could have written a blog. I could have started my next newsletter… but here I am, talking to kids, most of whom don’t appear to want to do this anyway.
But there was one young woman who cried when she wrote. She didn’t say anything, just smiled sadly. She came back three hours later as I was leaving. I thrust my copy of Writing Down Your Soul in her hands. Last night, she emailed. She said she couldn’t put the book down. She was devouring it and underlining every other sentence. She said that that ten minute experience of deep soul writing awakened something. Now, she said, I want to “embrace a pen and never let it go.” When I read her email, I thought, oh, now I know why I said yes to Diana.
But it turns out I didn’t really know. Not fully. Jennifer Hill Robenalt, my heaven-sent media guru, sent me a video this morning with strict orders, “You have to watch this.” I watched.
I laughed for the first four minutes. Then, my eyes shot open and I burst into tears. Ellen found herself the same way the young woman at Blake is finding herself. The same way I found myself. The same way you are — or can — find yourself.
Your self is right there inside of you. Your vision, your purpose, your story — as it could be — no, as it will be. Ellen had a little chat with God on the page and found Ellen. And just look at what happened.
I needed a reminder today that Writing Down Your Soul matters. Here it is.
How did you (or are you) finding your self? I’d love to know. We’d all love to know.
The Life Around the Corner Part 3: Ask for help
Posted: May 15, 2009 Filed under: Creativity, janet conner, Life Purpose, Practical spirituality, Prayer, Theta Brainwaves, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: janet conner, journaling, Lenox Avenue, Life around the Corner, Malcolm X Blvd, personal development, personal transformation, Prayer, St Michael's Shrine, theta, theta brain waves, Writing Down Your Soul 3 Comments »
The most amazing street in New York
If you’ve ever heard me speak about Writing Down Your Soul, you know that the magic happens in and through and with the theta brain wave state. I hope this doesn’t come as a surprise, but your conscious mind is useless. Unless you’re making dinner or filling the tank with gas or doing something else that requires conscious attention, it isn’t much help. To build a soul-directed, joy-filled, purpose-driven life, you gotta slip into theta as often as you can. Including–or especially–at night.
So, you won’t be surprised to hear that I was awakened in the middle of the night with a reminder: “Nice post, Janet, but you forgot something important about Lenox/Malcolm X Blvd. Tell them about the churches.”
Ebenezer Gospel Tabernacle on Malcolm X
Of course. I remember. I remember looking to the left and right and up and down and being floored by the beauty and size and variety of the houses of worship–one more jaw-droppingly gorgeous than the next. I saw traditional mainline Christian churches with stained glass windows that begged you to step inside. I saw Jewish temples behind ornate iron gates. I think I saw a Christian Science church with those classic pillars. And I’m pretty sure I saw something that said LDS. I remember being surprised to find LDS in Harlem. And I saw lots of store front churches with names that shouted: Get Your Salvation Here! On any given block between 116th and 125th, there were at least three churches.
So what, you ask.
So what? That’s a big clue to how you get to your Life Around the Corner. Maybe the biggest clue. Pray. Ask for help. Get out of your conscious, worry-filled, useless mind and access the universe of guidance and support that is everywhere around you.
Want to see the wonders of Malcolm X Blvd exactly where I was walking? Look at this glorious slide show. This is why God created Google, I think. I can’t believe how effortlessly this exquisite tour of the exact blocks I walked fell into my hands this morning. I know it’s for you!
But you don’t have to be on Malcolm X Blvd to find divine assistance. Or even in a church. Although, it’s lovely to sit in the cool dark of your favorite church or temple or shrine, you can commune with heaven anywhere and anytime.
This is me having chats with Michael
My favorite shrine is St Michael’s in Tarpon Springs, and lord knows, I get amazing guidance sitting there, but day in and day out the Voice guides me sitting right here in my “writing chapel” (aka my office, aka my third bedroom).
However you pray–in a pew or in your yard, or sitting in your writing chair–the reminder is to simply do it. To connect. To ask for help. You are not alone. Heaven wants you to reach your Life Around the Corner. And it is reaching out to help you. Reach back.
So tell me, how do you reach back?
The Life Around the Corner Part 2: Look Where You Are
Posted: May 14, 2009 Filed under: janet conner, Life Purpose, Practical spirituality, Spiritual growth, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: janet conner, journaling, personal transformation, self help, Writing Down Your Soul 14 Comments »
Malcolm X = Lenox
Wrong.
This morning, it came to me that I’m just beginning to scratch the surface of the full meaning of “the life around the corner.” I was in the shower, which my original Conari editor called, “the phone booth to God.” The first time I heard her say that I burst out laughing. Oh yes, it’s the phone booth to God, alright, but there’s a big problem with this phone booth: there’s no place to take notes. I’ve learned to repeat out loud what I’m hearing/learning/seeing so it sticks in my head long enough to make it to a towel and then to paper.
Well, this morning in the phone booth, I realized that I had missed many of the rich details that make this story meaningful and important.
For example. The phrase “the life around the corner” came through on the page while I was whining about the low turnout for my workshop. As the class wrote their creative blessings, I barked on the page, “What’s the deal? You bring me to New York and then everyone stays home? How does this help the book? How does this keep me going? I trust you to shine the light, but this sure doesn’t look like a bright light to me!” (You should know by now that my relationship with the Voice is real. I bring the whole Janet to the conversation–warts, fears, irrational thinking and all.) Somewhere in the midst of my whining, that magical phrase popped on to the page.
The aha in the phone booth today was this: the phrase came through because I had a lousy turnout. If the room had been full, I’d have been writing, “thank you, thank you, thank you.” And “the life around the corner” would never have appeared. So odd as it sounds, I’m grateful, oh so grateful, that the workshop was a dud. This is a perfect example of that profound but often undigestible truth: nothing is happening to you; everything is happening for you.
But there’s more.
In the shower, I again saw myself walking up Lenox and remembered that it is also Malcolm X Blvd. Now think about that. Lenox = Malcolm X. To me, it’s obvious. Lenox sounds like the beautiful dream–the success, the beauty, the joy, the bounty. Lenox. Shoot, it sounds like an estate in the English countryside. But Malcolm X is the same street. For a few blocks, exactly where I was walking, Lenox is Malcolm X Blvd. What does Malcolm X represent? How about struggle. How about the fight to be heard, seen, recognized, and respected. How about standing up for your self, your dignity, your place in the world. I don’t think it’s an accident that out of all the streets in New York city, I was hiking up Lenox/Malcolm X a few hours after receiving the phrase, “the life around the corner.”
But wait, there’s more.
Where was I headed? 125th street. I love how numbers appear in my life, carrying nudges and messages and blessings. Well, 1 + 2 + 5 = 8. If you know anything about numerology, you know that 8 represents prosperity, abundance, success, money, power. So my life around the corner was on Abundance Street, so to speak.
Want more?
My birth number is an 8. You get your birth number by adding up your birth date. Mine is 6 16 1948. Add up all those digits and you get 35. Then add the 3 +5 = 8. This is not a coincidence. Not in my book.
I’m sure I’ll uncover more about my adventure with “the life around the corner” when I write down my soul tomorrow or dream about it tonight or step into that mysterious phone booth again. But here’s what I’m sure about so far:
- The life around the corner is right there. I just can’t see it.
- I have a choice: I can duck into a safe doorway or I can walk bravely up the avenue holding my dream and honoring my struggle to achieve it.
- If I do that–dream and struggle, struggle and dream–while moving forward the whole time, I will reach my intersection. I will finally turn and see it: my life around the corner. I will step into the vision heaven is keeping for me. I just have to see it, believe it, and keep going.
I think I’ll start by getting back in the shower.
(Thank you to Jennifer at 2serenity on flickr for this fabulous photo.)
The Life Around the Corner, Part 1: Start Walking
Posted: May 10, 2009 Filed under: Creativity, janet conner, Life Purpose, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: Creativity, Hoopla Media, janet conner, Jennifer Hill Robenalt, journaling, Victoria Moran, Writing Down Your Soul Leave a comment »
Peek around the corner
When you write down your soul, you never know when something profound is going to plop onto the page. Sometimes you think you can predict the Voice or control it by asking really good questions. But you are not in charge. When you write this way, you yield the pen to the Voice and the Voice takes it. The only thing I know for sure is that the Voice will speak. But even I, after twelve years of deep soul writing, cannot predict when a sweet dollop of grace will land on the page. I can only smile and say, “Thank you.” And, oh, one other thing: grab that wisdom and use it.
That’s what happened April 23rd. I was back in New York teaching “How to Write Your Creative Blessing” at the Alex Grey gallery upstairs from the wonderful bookstore in the Village, East West Living. I had taught the class what a Creative Blessing is and how to use it to induce effortless work. As the group picked up their pens to write their blessings, I picked up mine. But not to write a new blessing. I love my Writing Blessing and don’t want to change a word. So I just stepped into my normal conversation with the Voice. I talked about my packed weekend of events in New York and Connecticut and wondered what it all meant and where it was all going.
In the midst of a perfectly ordinary sentence, this appeared: The life around the corner. I took a breath. Oh. Quickly, I captured it on a fresh page. The life around the corner. I didn’t understand it, but I knew it was a blessing.
That night, I stayed with Victoria Moran, author of the brand new Living a Charmed Life. I had to be in Norwalk, Connecticut at Pymander Books the next day. Victoria gave me directions. She said to walk north on Lenox/Malcolm X Blvd 9 blocks and then turn right on 125th and walk across three avenues to the Metro North station. For a Floridian who typically walks 4 yards to the car, it seemed downright exotic. But at 9am the next morning, there I was hiking up Malcolm X.
As I walked, the phrase returned: the life around the corner. As I turned the corner at 125th, I got it. I said “thank you” out loud. A young woman passing with two young boys smiled at me. I grinned back.
Here’s my interpretation of the Voice’s message. There is a life around the corner. You can’t see it. But it is still there. Waiting. Waiting for you to walk toward it. But what do we do? We duck into the safe storefront of the safe job, the safe relationship, the safe decision, the safe amount of money in the bank. I hovered in those “safe” doorways for years — decades actually. While my real life waited. Waited for me to overcome my fear, step out, and start walking.
A week later, I met my media guru, Jennifer Hill Robenalt of Hoopla Media. Jennifer’s vision for me and for Writing Down Your Soul takes my breath away. Do you remember that nifty spy binocular toy that allowed you to see around corners and over fences? I loved that thing.
Well, Jennifer is my spy binocular. She sees what the Voice sees. We all need a Jennifer. We all need someone to see our potential and believe in our ability to achieve it. God love you if you have a Jennifer Hill Robenalt. But if you don’t, don’t worry. You have the Voice. And you have a life around the corner.
What is it?
Loving the not-so-lovable mother
Posted: May 7, 2009 Filed under: janet conner, Practical spirituality, Spiritual growth, Writing, Writing Down Your Soul | Tags: janet conner, journaling, mothers day, soul writing, Writing Down Your Soul 9 Comments »Holidays drive a lot of us nuts.
Or at least I want to
The fantasy of the happy family around the table at Thanksgiving, the joyful family at Christmas (or whatever winter holiday you celebrate), the loving couple on Valentine’s day. Gaaak! For many of us–maybe most of us–these lovey-dovey holidays just make us feel less loved and less lovable.
Especially Mothers Day. For those of us who were not exactly the apple of our mothers’ eyes, the greeting card image of the devoted mother and child makes us wince. Yesterday I watched the adorable video of Kelly Corrigan’s mom rearranging Kelly’s books in her local Borders so no one can miss them. Kelly said, “That’s what mothers do.” I thought, “Oh yeah? Not my mother!”
I had a prize-winning mother. She scared the bejesus out of all my friends, especially boys. They would cower in the doorway feeling her frosty judgement from twenty feet away. They couldn’t get “Good night, Mrs Conner,” out fast enough.
But here I am approaching another Mothers Day feeling love–and nothing but love. Mind you, not because of anything my mother said. Not because of a deathbed declaration of devotion. (Never got that.) Not because of anything my mother did. I stand in a pool of love because of something I did.
When my mother began her death march through dementia, I picked up a pen and had the first of many long, intense, soulful conversations with the Voice about Laurene and about our feet-on-broken-glass relationship. I laid our story out on the page, episode after episode, wound after wound, slight after slight, asking hard questions as I went. One of the richest was “What gifts did I receive from my mother?”
Well, ask and ye shall receive, right? The page filled with an array of precious gifts from relentless focus (I can sit at the computer till midnight), to reliance on prayer (don’t get me started, I love prayer in all its forms), to the image of a woman as a writer. Although, I didn’t agree with a single word my mother wrote. (Her obsession was saving the Catholic Church from the evils of all that wasn’t orthodox. She even reviewed papal encyclicals for how well they toed the line.) But at seven, I watched her chain smoke and pound the typewriter, and that image of “woman as writer” (without the cigarettes, thank god!) cemented itself into a possibility–and eventually a reality–for me. And for this, I am eternally grateful.
So, if this Sunday, Mothers Day, is not your idea of a delightful holiday, if you shake your head when you think of your mother, if you dread the thought of another brunch of cold food and artificial smiles, tell the Voice. Tell the Voice in full-throated cry and three-dimensional color, but then, ask. Ask the hard questions. Ask the painful questions. And at some point, ask: “What gifts did I receive from my mother?”
Then, write fast. So fast that you can’t read what’s coming out. Let the words flow on their own. The gifts will cascade onto the page, even–or especially–the “bad” ones. From this rich soil, you grew. Perhaps, you had to grow yourself, but you grew.
And that, is your soul’s true story. You simply could not be who you are, where you are, and headed in the direction you’re headed without that wacky, cold, judgemental (pick an adjective!) woman. So, say Thank You!
For me, I say, Happy Mothers Day, Laurene! And thank you for your many, many gifts.
Want more? Here are two of the UPI columns I wrote about the gifts from my mother. If you want the whole series, send me an email at janet@writingdownyoursoul.com.
Your best birthday gift, unwrapped
Oh no, we really are one!
