What do you do with regret?

Before I went to Montana for our July Soul Quest, I ordered a handmade journal from Mary Anne Radmacher. She makes a journal for each of my yearly soul-journs. I treasure her journals because they hold all the deep soul explorations that bubble up during the trip.   This year, Mary Anne outdid herself. The cover, as always, evoked the heart and soul of the adventure. But this time, she added pouches on the inside covers. What fun I thought–special places to hold little treasures from the trip. I noticed there was something in the back cover pouch. I pulled it out. It was an angel card–“The Angel of Forgiveness.”

That should have been a clue.

I was, I confess, a little miffed. Oh please, I thought, I’ve had my big forgiveness experience. I’m a bloomin’ queen of forgiveness. I lead people in deep forgiveness experiences in my courses. Surely, I’m not going to Montana to deal with forgiveness! I took the card out of the pouch and stuck it somewhere it in my office.

My reaction should have been a clue.

On opening night at our Soul Quest, I told the group, “You do not really know why you’re here. You think you do, but trust me, you don’t. Make a note of why you think you’re here and then on closing night let’s see what actuallly unfolded. You may be in for quite a surprise.”

I should have listened to myself.

The next morning, we learned about power by working with horse. The following day we learned about the opposite un-power of fish as we attempted to cast for mysterious and elusive trout. Later that day, we floated down the Missouri River in an Avon raft. I recognized the raft. When I lived on a sailboat in Oakland, we had an Avon raft. My husband said they were the best.

Oh boy, lots more clues.

As the day on the river ended, I realized my husband would have loved this trip. He would have loved fly fishing, and riding, and sleeping in a log cabin. He would have loved floating down the river in an Avon raft under the watchful gaze of eagle.

Then, it dawned on me I was wearing the water shoes he gave me, the Tilley hat he insisted every sailor have, and schlepping everything in his treasured but weathered 1985 Ghurka tote bag. I was surprised to discover that I had unconsciously created an experience my husband would have loved.

That should have been a huge clue.

The next day we participated in a Chippewa-Cree sweat lodge conducted by a lovely woman named Lillian. In the lodge, she led us through four rounds of prayer. For each round, hot rocks were brought in and doused with water. In the rising steam. she led us in traditional songs and gave us the opportunity to say the names of people for whom we wished to pray.  I spoke my son’s name in each round and many of my friends and partners. It was a beautiful experience and I felt honored to participate in such an ancient and holy form of prayer.

That night I woke with a start. “Oh my God! Her name was Lillian!” In that moment, I knew why I’d created this trip. And I’d come within a hair of missing it. It was not an accident that a woman named Lillian conducted our lodge. My husband, you see, was adopted. He was thirty-four when he found his birth sister and thirty-six when he spoke to his birth mother. They were unable to make peace and he died carrying a great wound around being given up for adoption. His birth mother died a few years later. And her name was Lillian.

Sitting up in bed in a log cabin in Wolf Creek Montana, I knew that I had been handed the opportunity to bring both their names into the sacred space of the sweat lodge and connect them in the grace of forgiveness. But I blew it.   But then, I stopped crying and remembered the great teaching of the angels in Check the Box, the course that brings us back in time to hear our soul’s purpose. The course ended just days before we left for Montana. The angels said that we can revisit any experience in our lives and make different choices. When we do, we literally–not metaphorically–alter the vibration of that scene for all time–past, present, and future–and we alter it for all parties concerned.

I closed my eyes and went back to the lodge in my mind. When it was our turn to pray aloud, I spoke my husband’s name and his birth mother’s. The fourth and final round is all about forgiveness, and with tears dripping down my face, I brought their names and their spirits into the lodge and joined them in a total state of forgiveness. In peace, I fell back asleep.

But that wasn’t the end of the story.

When I got back home, I had a toothache. A big bad toothache. My back molar had cracked, become infected, and had to be extracted. After the extraction, I felt exhausted. Even with 12 hours of sleep, I had no energy to work. On August 4, I turned to the Voice in my journal and demanded to know what my rotten tooth was about. In the next sentence I remembered that my husband had teeth problems his whole life. In deep soul writing I asked, “What needs to be completed, what else needs to be revisited like the sweat lodge?”

Suddenly I wrote this question:   “What do I regret?”

Instantly, I knew. There is only one moment in my life that I regret. And oh, how I regret it. It was the night my husband died. He’d been in a coma in ICU for a week. The hospital called late that afternoon to say they were moving him. After dinner, our son asked to visit his dad and I said, they’re moving him tonight, let’s go tomorrow. The next morning at 6:30 we received a call that he had died. I have regretted not going to the hospital for nine years.   OK, I wrote. I will go back and redo it. Just like the sweat lodge and just the way the angels taught.   On the page in deep soul writing, I relived the evening of October 5, 2003. When my son said, “Let’s go see dad,” we drove to the hospital. At the hospital, we found his new room. We walked in and saw him on the bed. We stood close together beside the bed and prayed aloud thanking him for the good he’d brought us and promising to hold only the good in our hearts. When my son and I felt complete, I blew a kiss and whispered, God speed. The next morning, the phone still rang at 6:30 and we still got the news that he had died. But this time I felt no regret. I had said goodbye and given our son the space to say goodbye.

When I finished my Regret Redo, I felt a wave move through me. All the exhaustion and pain in my body and mouth flowed out of me and into the ground. I felt a burst of energy and for the first time since I got back from Montana, felt excited and energized. Suddenly, I had to hold Mary Anne’s angel card. It took me an hour to find it buried under a pile of books. The message on the card is: “I choose to forgive all those who have hurt me in the past.”

“Choose” is the operative word here. I have chosen over and over again to forgive, not only my husband, but anyone I think has harmed me. And thanks to heaven sending a woman named Lillian, I was able to bring two unrequited souls into the blessed place of forgiveness. And then, thanks to a broken tooth, I was given the opportunity to experience the next and even deeper piece in the fathomless journey of forgiveness: Regret Redo.

If reading about my Regret Redo experience is activating something inside of you, here are a few questions to ponder:

  • Are there moments you wish you could relive?
  • Are you willing to revisit them and choose differently?
  • What do you think will happen?
  • What do you regret?
  • How is regret a living, if deeply buried, presence in your life?
  • What impact is regret having on you, your relationships, your work, your creativity, your health?
  • What do you think will happen if you consciously choose to forgive, and even redo, the past?
  • Are you ready to enter into the profound state of Regret Redo? If not, why not?

I invite you to enter into divine dialogue and ask these and other deep questions on the page. Then trust the Voice as it leads you into the profound experience of Regret Redo. Then, I invite you to post your experience here. Your words may change someone’s life.

Blessings on you and all your experiences, yes, even those you regret.

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My Soul Pages has a mysterious OWL on the cover

My Soul Pages, the matching journal for Writing Down Your Soul arrived–with a stunning owl on the cover. This is not an accident. It’s not an accident that it’s an animal or an owl in particular. And it’s no accident that this owl is more than an owl; it’s an icon.
 
This cover is a mystery–a sweet divine mystery. Let me tell you the story, because this owl is not here just for me; he’s here for you, too. And his message is huge.

I first learned about animal messengers in a “Women’s Spiritual Empowerment” workshop with Charlotte Starfire in 1992. She taught us what she learned from Sun Bear, the great Native American teacher: animals have healing
messages or “medicine” for humans. All we have to do is notice the animal and ask for its teaching. After she explained this idea, Charlotte led us on a meditation to a favorite outdoor place. For me that was a forest. Then, Charlotte said, “Look. Your messenger is here.” Instantly a fox came out from behind a tree. Huh? A fox? I’d never seen a fox in my life. 
 
When the meditation ended, Charlotte introduced us to the Medicine Cards and Animal Speak to learn more about our messengers. Fox, it turns out, is a master at protecting her children. Fox became my teacher and her loving guidance helped me protect my son during the divorce. I began to notice foxes everywhere. I saw fox art and fox statues and even real fox tails. And just in case I doubted she was with me, foxes ran across the road in front of me three times. Bless you, fox.
 
I’ve been hyper sensitive to animal messengers ever since. My osprey showed up the day I knew I had to leave my marriage with the critical message “fear not.” Grasshopper–giant leap forward–was my companion last summer. (When Your Soul Wants Five Things came through in January, I finally understood her message.) In Costa Rica, a vulture landed on the ground and walked around me until I told him I understood his message of forgiveness. The moment I said thank you, he flew off. Gwynn Kelley was beside me when it happened and once she got over the shock, she realized vulture had a message for her, too.
 
So it’s no accident that the matching journal for Writing Down Your Soul has an owl on the cover. Of all the animal messengers, owl is the perfect symbol and protector of deep soul writing. Here are a few insights about owl from Medicine Cards and Animal Speak.
  • represents clairvoyance
  • sits in the East, the place of illumination
  • can see in the dark
  • sees into the soul
  • sits on Athena’s shoulder whispering truth
  • symbol of higher wisdom
  • aids in seeing the whole–not half–truths
  • brings messages in dreams
  • helps befriend the darkness within
  • eliminates anything unhealthy
  • has superb vision, detects subtle movement
  • yellow eyes symbolize the light of the sun, shining even in the dark of the night
  • flexible neck aids in becoming more flexible

Our owl is a mythical interpretation of a barred owl. The barred owl is a master vocalist. And what are we doing in deep soul writing? Why, activating the Voice! Here’s the barred owl’s stunning song.

If My Soul Pages had a regular owl on the cover, that would be amazing enough. But our owl is so much more. He is an icon–an icon that came in direct response to a deep soul writing request.

Last June, I was in Portland for several events and stayed with my brother Larry. When he went to work, I poked around his living room for something new to read. I found two books on icons. Larry is deeply attracted to the earliest othodox religions and has lots of icons on his walls. I read two books on icons and learned that icons are instruments of prayer. To help you go deep, the eyes of an icon do not match. One eye looks at you and one gazes inward or upward to draw you to the divine. 

I stared at the examples in the book. Sure enough, the eyes did not match. Here’s a famous one of Christ from the 6th century. Even in the tiny space of this newsletter, you can’t miss the unusual unmatched eyes.

I closed the icon book, picked up a pen and wrote, “Dear God, I want an icon!” (I thought I was asking for an icon for my office wall Luckily, Spirits thinks bigger than I do.) 

Two weeks later, Jan Johnson, the president of Conari Press sent an email with an attachment of My Soul Page’s cover. I said a little prayer that I’d like it, opened it, and saw the owl for the first time. My eyes when right to his eyes. They didn’t match! The cover is an icon! This owl is not only the symbol of wisdom, he is an instrument of Spirit, leading us out of ourselves and into divine dialogue. Could there be a more perfect symbol of writing down your soul? My hands rushed to my heart and I cried.

The first shipment of My Soul Pages arrived last Thursday. The first copy is on my altar, the second went to my son, and then I mailed copies to all the members of Your Soul Wants Five Things. On Sunday, I brought one to yoga to give to Charlotte Starfire to thank her for introducing me to animal messengers so many years ago. As I handed it to her, the women in class stood around exclaiming: “Oh! I saw that the moment I walked in. I felt compelled to look at it, walk up to it, and touch it. What is that!”

If I’d had ten copies with me that night, they’d all be in new homes right now. Our owl radiates so much loving energy from both his wise owl-self and his holy icon-self. He is a double-blessing. I keep him on a stand next to my computer where he gazes at me all day long.

I feel our owl needs a name. I named my osprey guardian, Gabriel and love talking to Gabriel by name. But I don’t feel I should be the one to name our owl. He’s here for all of us.

So, I welcome you to sit with the owl, stare at his eyes, read about him in Animal Speak and Medicine Cards and other resources. Deep soul write about him. (I say “him,” but you may feel feminine energy.) Ask the owl what message it has for you.

And if you hear a name, please send it to me. I’ll put all the names in my little metal bucket and take them to Michael’s shrine next Wednesday, May 11, and ask Archangel Michael to pick our owl’s name. The person who submits Michael’s choice will receive a signed copy of My Soul Pages and the Seven Steps to Get Into Theta video.

What did the Owl tell you?


The Power of Five

The Voice and I were just talking about LESS. LESS is my focused attraction description of the attributes of people who love Writing Down Your Soul.

Here’s how I got LESS. I was writing on Jan 12th after a glorious inaugural booksigning at Wings Bookstore in St Pete, and I told DG that all Writing Down Your Soul needs is more Sharon Jebbens–the manager. What is Sharon? I asked, and immediately my hand wrote:

Loves the book
Embraces the practice
Sees the potential
Spreads the word

I laughed. All this book needs is LESS. (A whole new take on the adage “less is more,” don’t you think?)

Then I realized that Writing Down Your Soul’s readers are also LESS. So are all the guides, like coaches and therapists, who encourage people to start writing down their souls. Bottom line is everyone who falls in love with this book is LESS.

So the Voice and I were talking about getting more LESS. And the Power of Five showed up on the page. As soon as I saw the words, I knew what it meant:

If each person who reads this blog forwards it to five people…

If each person who gets the Writing Down Your Soul newsletter, forwards it to five people… (Don’t get it? Sign up here)

If each person who loves the book, tells five friends… Or gives it to five people as a gift… (You can get a signed copy at my website.)

If each bookseller tells five people who come into their store…

If each coach, therapist, hypnotist, acupunturist or other professional guide tells five clients…

Writing Down Your Soul would reach the hands and hearts of all who seek it–nevermind, make the NYT Bestseller Advice/How to list.

I know you have this power. I recently traced over 200 readers to one woman, Gwynn Kelley who came to a pre-publication Writing Down Your Soul workshop at Unity Church of Palm Harbor. She told a friend, Polly Memhard, in Riverside CT, who told her friend, Martha Howland. Between Polly and Martha over 150 people have been to Writing Down Your Soul workshops and events in CT. PLUS, Gwynn told her daughter who told a life coach in south Florida who called me to help her put together a women’s soul writing class.

I have story after story like this of one person who contacted another and another and suddenly a whole room full of people are reading Writing Down Your Soul.

I may have written the book, but you have the power to get it into people’s hands. Thank you for being the Power of Five. Five, by the way, represents change and anyone who engages in divine dialogue with their wise, loving, inner Voice is going to be guided to wise loving changes in his or her life.

Does the idea of having the power of five make you smile? Please start talking, forwarding, sharing, encouraging…spreading the word. I’m inviting everyone who demonstrates the Power of Five to contact me for a special invitation-only teleclass on Dec 29th to create the Soul Day that will call in a magical new year. Just send me an email at janet@writingdownyoursoul.com and tell me how you are the Power of Five.

Want to learn more about Focused Attraction? I learned it from Rev Lauren McLaughlin of UnityNow.


Cancer, words, and healing

The power of wordsI received an email this morning from JoAnne Grabinske who took a Writing Down Your Soul teleclass this summer. Her email was brief: “Thought of you when I read this,” followed by a link to a New York Times article about what happened when cancer patients began to write.

When I speak I love to share the extensive research Dr James Pennebaker has done at the University of Texas on the physical and mental benefits of expressive writing. People’s eyes always get a little wide, but the real stunner is that writing increases t-lymphocytes in the body. What are t-lymphocytes? The agents in your body that kill cancer.

I see now why Conari Press has placed Writing Down Your Soul in hospital giftshops.
The power of words for cancer patients


Even bugs are messengers

cockroach In Follow Up, the fourth step in Writing Down Your Soul, I talk about several ways to confirm or clarify your guidance. One of my favorites is to pay attention to the messages that come through animals. (p 183-185)

I was raised strict Catholic. Trust me, no nun or priest ever mentioned animals as vehicles for divine guidance. But in 1992, I took a Women’s Spiritual Empowerment class from Charlotte Starfire and my eyes were forever opened to the constant stream of messages in the air and on the land coming to me (and to everyone) in the form of animals.

Charlotte learned about the medicine, or healing messages, of animals from Sun Bear, the great Native American shaman and teacher. Since Charlotte’s class, I’ve kept my Medicine Cards close at hand and turned to them often to understand why a snake crossed my path or an osprey died a few feet from my door. I love my beautiful animal messengers and I welcome their messages.

But last night at 5:00 AM I got a new messenger and I didn’t love it at all. I was awakened by a cockroach crawling across my forehead. Instinctively, I threw it across the room and sat up in horror. I turned on the lights and pursued that thing for thirty minutes. I simply could not fall back asleep with a cockroach somewhere in my bedroom. This is Florida, and I know roaches are everywhere, but thanks to my pest control company, there’s never been a moving one in my bedroom before.

Well, this morning, when I did my deep soul writing, I asked, “What’s with the bug? If I perceive your divine messages in other more delightful animals, don’t I have to recognize the message this creature delivered, too?” It took me a few pages of writing to get the message. The bug had been on my forehead, my third eye, the seat of my knowing. So it was letting me know that I had bugs in my thinking, bugs in my programming.

And of course, it was right. I’ve been wracked with fear lately, fear about finances and fear about my son’s well-being. I desparately need to debug my programming.

“How do I do that?” I wrote. And the answer instantly appeared: “Ask the cards.” But this time, instead of going to the Medicine Cards, I went to a new deck my publicist, Jennifer Hill Robenalt, gave me when I met her in Austin: The Answer is Simple by Sonia Choquette. I love these cards. And they are, as the name implies, incredibly easy to use.
The Answer Is Simple cards
So I took a deep breath and prayerfully asked my question: “How do I debug my programming? How do I get the fear out?”

I drew three cards and laughed at the answer — and yes, it’s simple, clear and simple:

1. Say Thank You.
Suspend your fears long enough to recognize and appreciate those who are helping you. I recognized immediately that I’d been taking the small army of people who love me and my book for granted.

2. Reclaim Your Art
I didn’t even have to read this to know the answer: get back to my creativity, my writing, my love, my joy.

3. Say Yes
“The ego gets fearful…it waits until it’s absolutely sure that it will be safe before it acts. The trouble with this approach to life is the ego never feels safe, so it never acts, it reacts…. Don’t allow the ego to hold you back from the gorgeous opportunities in front of you. Take a chance and trust life as it unfolds.”

The cards perfectly diagnosed the fear “bugs” in my programming and showed me three simple steps to take to get de-bugged. I’m on it right now: I am grateful, I am writing, and I joyfully say YES! to my life’s purpose.

And so, I have to say once more to all my messengers, from the majestic birds to the creepy bugs, thank you for your words and your wisdom, your guidance and your grace. I see you. I hear you. And I learn from you. I am so blessed. And thank you to Sonia Choquette for her fabulous cards.

I am not special or unique. The animals are talking to all of us all the time. Consider this: What animal is delivering a message to you right now? What’s the animal? What’s the message? And what are you going to do with your message?


OK, now let’s all do what Ellen did

Ellen with Johnny

Ellen with Johnny

Ellen DeGeneres woke us all up. My last post, the one about her commencement address at Tulane, attracted a huge spike of readers. I think I know why. Ellen laid out a way — an incredibly simple way — to SEE your Life Around the Corner, by “seeing” it on the page in conversation with God. Ellen saw herself sitting next to Johnny Carson on the tonight show. Given Ellen’s situation at the time, that could have been labelled totally absurd, possibly delusional. But, guess what? It happened.

Her experience has really stuck with me. So, this morning, as I was saying my prayers, repeating my Covenant and my Writing Blessing, I closed my eyes and had a little chat with Spirit, or as Reverend Lauren McLaughlin, calls it, the Eternal Life Force — ELF. I was just saying something to the Elf, when I saw in my mind a bright white glowing light about the size of a basketball in my hands. Instinctively, I looked down into the white ball.

OH, I realized, this is how Ellen did it. She looked into the future, into her crystal ball, so to speak, or using my new favorite metaphor, into her spy binoculars and saw the Life Around the Corner. Clearly. She saw herself sitting next to Johnny Carson. Not wishing or hoping or “wouldn’t it be great if…” but saw it. Probably felt the chair beneath her. Felt the lights, saw his face close up. She simply was “there” inside her future experience. Did it happen because she experienced it a decade in advance or was it always going to happen and in that moment she simply got a peak? Interesting philosophical, metaphysical question there. And I don’t have the answer. Not an intellectual answer. And guess what? I don’t care how it works; I just want to have the experience.

So, looking into my white ball of light, I said, OK, I get it. I’ll sit down with my pen and have my own conversation with Spirit and SEE my future.

I asked on the page, “What is in my life around the corner?” Out gushed a bunch of things: Being on Ellen and talking about her experience, being on the Oprah Soul Series and on her TV show talking about deep soul writing, being interviewed by Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, shaking Neale Donald Walsch’s hand and hearing him say that deep soul writing is how he had his Conversations with God, and signing a half million dollar advance. All delightful. All powerful. All big.

But when I looked at the list, I said, “OK, I love them all and I DO see them all happening, but what ONE event, what ONE experience would be proof that all of this has transpired and more? What one experience sums up my Life Around the Corner?”

I knew immediately. I drew a bold dark blue ink square around the words: Walk into the New York city library and touch a shelf full of my books.

New York Library

New York Library

Even as I type that sentence, I feel tears. Tears are proof that this is THE apex experience I will have. I don’t know when. (When is not my job.) I don’t know how. (How is not my job.) Just know that it will happen. I am standing there right now, in my mind, in my white ball of light, smiling and reaching out and running my fingers slowly along the ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen books that I have written. I turn to my son and with tears in my eyes, say, “Here I am, permanently, in the New York city library. Guarded by the lions.”

Your turn.

Close your eyes, hold the white ball of divine light or the spy binoculars or become a hawk who flies ahead to see your Life Around the Corner. The image doesn’t matter. Just choose one that feels right to you and ask, “How will I know that I have achieved my Life Around the Corner?” Pick up a pen and start writing. See what images come through. No matter how wacky or amazing or unlikely or impossible — write them down.

Why? Because Ellen sat next to Johnny Carson. Because I will run my hands over my books in the main library in New York. (Oh, and be on Oprah and Ellen, and GMA!)

How about you? What are you doing in your Life Around the Corner?


How Ellen DeGeneres discovered Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen after she became Ellen

Ellen after she became Ellen

Last Friday, Diana Kyle, a friend from my old headhunting life, asked me to come to Blake High School Monday morning and teach kids about deep soul writing. Without thinking, I said yes. Why? I don’t know. I certainly wasn’t going to make any money or sell any books, but my job right now is to say yes. I figure Spirit knows how to reach the people who need what’s in Writing Down Your Soul, so Spirit’s job is to send them and my job is to say yes when they call.

So there I was yesterday, teaching small groups of school-weary teenagers what the theta brain wave state is and how to get into it through writing. After teaching the same thing for the third time, I was weary and wondered, “What am I doing here?” I could have gotten some sleep — and lord knows after teaching all weekend, I could use some sleep. I could have written a blog. I could have started my next newsletter… but here I am, talking to kids, most of whom don’t appear to want to do this anyway.

But there was one young woman who cried when she wrote. She didn’t say anything, just smiled sadly. She came back three hours later as I was leaving. I thrust my copy of Writing Down Your Soul in her hands. Last night, she emailed. She said she couldn’t put the book down. She was devouring it and underlining every other sentence. She said that that ten minute experience of deep soul writing awakened something. Now, she said, I want to “embrace a pen and never let it go.” When I read her email, I thought, oh, now I know why I said yes to Diana.

But it turns out I didn’t really know. Not fully. Jennifer Hill Robenalt, my heaven-sent media guru, sent me a video this morning with strict orders, “You have to watch this.” I watched.

I laughed for the first four minutes. Then, my eyes shot open and I burst into tears. Ellen found herself the same way the young woman at Blake is finding herself. The same way I found myself. The same way you are — or can — find yourself.

Your self is right there inside of you. Your vision, your purpose, your story — as it could be — no, as it will be. Ellen had a little chat with God on the page and found Ellen. And just look at what happened.

I needed a reminder today that Writing Down Your Soul matters. Here it is.

How did you (or are you) finding your self? I’d love to know. We’d all love to know.